Just came back from a long weekend trip. Unpacking seems to take much longer than packing for some reason. Then laundry is screaming at me cause I realize when I emptied my dirty clothes in the hamper that I was down to my last pair of, well, everything. And then I have to clean and tidy a bit cause things somehow seem chaotic if I don't. And then the cat...well, he has been without our company for a few days so he's following me around and tripping me up. Why is it cats have this dire need to zip through your legs and reach wherever you are going before you?! I swear he is trying to kill me or drive me insane...neither of which is a good plan! And whatever you do he likes to 'help'...which reminds me of something I read online a couple of weeks ago.
Guidelines For Cats
Anyways, back to my initial story... I tend to get sidetracked when my life is chaotic. It transfers the chaos to my mind and makes me vent (in this case blog) like a lunatic, as my friends know all too well!
After skipping a shower this morning...yea, I'm cool like that...I decided after unpacking I would indeed hop (carefully step into) the shower and refresh my weary mind and body before coyotes started tracking my scent. This is where things went awry, you see. My routine is very uncomplicated...shampoo, condition, wash face and body, shave only when necessary. Done. Though thinking on that, if I shaved my head it would save a lot of time...
Sooo...I shampooed my hair and rinsed it. Then I tried to squirt the face cleanser out and it was clogged and squirted sideways at the wall. So after washing off the wall and holding the bottle under hot water for a minute I finally got some! Straight shot! Then I put it in my hair. Yup! All that effort and I put it in my hair.
Rinse.
So I finally put the cleanser on my face. Then I got it in my eye. Great! That stung like salt in a wound! Well, probably. I've never had salt in a wound but I hear it stings something awful.
Rinse.
So with one eye full of cleanser and the other fighting the water dripping from my hair I reached for the hair conditioner. It squirted right into my hand, awesome! Except it started to lather in my hair and I realized I was shampooing my hair again. Dammit!
Rinse.
Then I grabbed my towel to wipe my eyes and nearly lost it in the water. Save! Except then the razor fell off the shelf and onto my toe. Eek! Look carefully...phew! No cut. Save! You have to understand my fear of cutting extremities (or rather, my fear of the cure to these cuts) like toes, fingers or ankles...have you ever used a styptic pencil? If you have, case in point. If not, well...Google it. This is a blog not a dictionary. No I'm kidding. Seriously. It looks like this.
You wet it under water and rub it on your cut and the bleeding stops instantaneously. Magic right? No. It stings like hell and I'd rather eat bugs! Well, not really bugs...but you get the idea.
I picked up the conditioner bottle, examined it to make sure it was the correct bottle. These bath products have fooled me for the last time. I then proceeded to apply it and rinse; happily rinse, cause it just took me 20 minutes to successfully wash my hair. I was so happy. I got out of the shower before anything else could happen, dried off, wrapped my towel around my head like a sexy turban. Ran for the eyedrops, as my vision is still impaired by the deathly cleanser, while trying not to trip over the cat. He has started waiting outside the shower now and when he gets impatient or curious he likes to look in through the curtain (peeping Tom...? Ya know cause he's a male and....meh, never mind). That's when I realized I hadn't even washed the rest of me. No soap, no body wash...nothin. But hey! I figured I used enough shampoo, facial cleanser and conditioner for a small army. That should have cleaned at least my feet as it washed away! :D
LMFAO Thats all very unfortunate, but honestly pretty helarious! Your life truely would make a great book :) Carefull in there, ya shower seems deadly!
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